Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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