Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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