Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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