I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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