I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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