So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
