i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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