That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
