Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
