I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
