My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
