white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
