bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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