Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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