I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize