You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wear drunk well.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
