You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
