Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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