I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
