I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
