I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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