if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
