I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
