well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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