Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
