The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
