how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
