the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
