remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
