i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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