she smelled like a LAN party
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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