I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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