For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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