More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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