two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
