at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
