is your mom at the bar?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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