I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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