i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
