but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
