you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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