According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
