god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
