So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
