not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
