Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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