Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
