Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
