She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
