the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
