Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
