I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
