This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
