I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
