Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
