Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
