i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
