420 ftw
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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