I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
