i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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