The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
