Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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