is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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