i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
