Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
