It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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