I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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