I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is the high leading the old right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
