I just cut my nipple shaving
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
