Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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